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What Do You Call Yourself?

➔ The recent coronation of Britain’s King Charles and references to “Your Majesty,” spurred memories of some the business titles we’ve encountered – and had pointed out to us everyday “Joe’s.” Some are more entertaining/interesting than others.

We can start with one of the more bizarre titles around of late, New York City’s Director of Rodent Mitigation or “Rat Czar.” Which raises the questions: what are her pronouns; and what will she put on her resume? Of course one of the earliest contributors to this genre was the old stand by: Sanitation Engineer, i.e. garbage collector.

Human Resources is sometimes blamed for some of the more off-beat titles such as: Chief People Officer, or Chief AI Officer. Others seem to be more self-proclaimed, such as: Chief Beverage Officer (aka bartender); Transportation Troll (tollbooth operator); Randomness Manager (Administrative Assistant) or First Impressions Director (Receptionist) – not to mention Subway’s “Sandwich Artist.”

Other titles come across badly no matter how they’re presented, or how accurate they may happen to be. Consider: the Healer of Magical Creatures (veterinarian), or Champion of the Sun (helioseismologist.) Then there are the more scientific: tribologist: lubrication engineer who is not to be confused with a tricologist: one who studies baldness.

According to jobs board, the Marketing Department takes some of the blame as well: Wizard of Want: Marketing Director, aka the Wizard of Light Bulb Moments. Good Lord!

Lastly, there are those (actual job titles) that just leave us scratching our heads: Under Secretary to the Sub-Committee, Master Handshaker, Happiness Advocate, Bride Kidnapping Expert, Second Tier Totalist, Change Magician, Scrum Maste, Head of Potatoes, Hyphenated-Specialist, Galactic Viceroy of Research Excellence and finally Actions and Repercussions Advisor. WTF! (That’s an acronym; not a title.)

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